The_Fat_Master_Ninja's Xanga

As it stands :bummed:

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 14:03:26 GMT

The way it looks now, I might be quitting karate today. Finicially, I have no funds and it's harder than hell to keep up with paying 50 dollars a month. Yes, I thought about quitting Rafferty's, but in the long run, it will not benefit me unless I find a job paying 8.00 starting out. That is hard to find. So, I must stick with it until a business venture will pop up with at least 35 hours a week. I don't want to quit, but it is something I have to do.

Looking back, I realized I might have been immature, that I should have known better than to open myself up and get pissed off when I did. Well, the past is the past though, I cannot change what I did or what will happen, the course of actions taken place will haunt me, but like I said, the past is the past. I tried to make amends, but she won't accept such things now. My fault, move on.

I been looking to sell my guitars, my acoustic for 150 and my bass for 100. Anyone know someone that wants infromation on the guitars, send me a message. I doubt anyone will because no one reads this any more.

I am sitting at the library, waiting for my next class to start. School is....ok. Not the greatest, but I have been stressed to the limit for the past few weeks. Mainly because of money. I am looking to get a place soon if I ever am able to save up some of that luxerious paper that we do call money. Why can't we just revert back to the bartering system. Algebra is hell, I sleep in history, Speech is ok, and Writing is the work of the devil. Curse you all.

Family is still family. Irritating as hell , and just as annoying.

Anyway, looks like I can end this rather quickly, nothing else to really talk about.

Adieu

-Nin)a

Damn.

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 13:33:30 GMT

Well, I woke up kinda late.. Because I got in kinda late. Going to miss my first block class. It's cool though, it's just Basic Public speaking, the rest of the classes are really the ones I need to worry about.

Anyway, so Fall is finally here. Cool weather, Halloween, changing of the leaves.. It's marvelous. I love to sit outside at night, chill on the steps and just enjoy the night air with my eyes closed. It's pretty much all I do now. Really do not have time for anything else any more. School, work, and Karate has consumed my life so much that I usually do not have one day off to simply relax. Thankfully, I do this week, Sunday. I've been thinking about where my life is going right now, I guess it's good and all, but it doesn't feel... Right. That's the best way I can explain it.

I think the reason this is, is because I am single and I still do not wish to believe the girl that I loved is who she is now. She changed, dramatically, without any signs or anything. I should have seen it coming, but I was blinded by what people nowadays call love. Love, now, is artificial. You shouldn't say it if you really do not mean it. Love leads the weary heart down the path of happiness until it gets to a lake, and it stops. Only way to get across the lake is to swim, or walk around. Swimming helps, because it will get you to the otherside faster, and your on the same trail. (Lake, similiar to a tribulation and trial of a relationship. An issue that needs to be resolved..). To those that believe in love, it COULD prevail, but in this lake, there are usually things that will devour you, so the best route is to go around. Once you go, your not on the same path, your forging a new one.. You may be on the otherside of the lake, but it's a different one than you started. I was hooked on Katie for a long time. I couldn't help myself, a year and a half just dissappeared in no time and it was August, and she pulled a card from her hand that triumphed everything else. It was one of those shitty moments in poker when you realize that you lost all your chips because you think you had it, and the other player just does better, or worse.. how ever you think about it. She lied to me, basically cheated on me, and turned into a slut, something she never used to be. I missed it. I missed the signs and I kept forging ahead. She gave me the lake, I wanted to cross, but she filled this lake with all this bullshit that kept me from going. So, I had to forge another path, and she asked why. Well, simple, because your the one that decided to end it, decided to lie to me, cheat on me, etc.

I loved her.. I tried my best, but she is the type of person where the best is not what she wants, she wants more. Oh well. At least I know I tried. She went around spreading false ideas about the relationship about what went down. That's her progative. Not mine, but what else can I do. She chose her path and it made me choose mine. I am not going to lie, I miss her, and I still love her.. Simply because I THOUGHT she might be that one special person in my life that I could spend the rest of my life with. I was wrong, and humanly, I couldn't accept it for the longest time. I thought it was a bad dream and I would wake up from it. I just couldn't grasp the fact she did all that.. and one day, something snapped in my mind. I just didn't really give a shit any more. There is no use of trying to figure out what she lied to me about and why she has done the things she has done. Simply because it's not my deal any more. I will still sit here and wonder why she did, but I will never get those answers desired because more than likely, because of the web of deciet she had spun for herself, I won't believe it. I just can't believe it. I wouldn't mind being her friend, but I can't bring my self to be decent enough to actually talk to her. I can't push back the lies she had told me, and how she 'almost' cheated on me and think that we can be friends. It just doesn't work that way. My friends are my friends because I trust them with my life. I know they will tell the truth and will be there by my side. I thought she was the same, and I just can't deal with the damn drama and stress of her now. I hope she reads this, or one of her friends, it would make my day really, simply knowing that my message is finally coming across.

The things she has told me just do not add up any more. It's not plausible. "I lied to find my morals." Isn't "Not lying" a moral in itself? So, it just makes me wonder how much she has really changed within that mind of hers, and what is really going on. How can you do one thing to find morals, when it, itself, is morally wrong? So yeah, I guess what I am really trying to get at.. is I lost all amounts of respect for this girl. She has fooled around with guys that she said she would never have anything to do with. She has lied on numerous occassions about only god knows about, and pretty much, she thinks I have no right to be disgusted in what she has become. I might have said some hurtful things to her, but what has she done to me? Slanderized me, lied to me, cheated on me...My pet peeves that she KNEW about. So, what's the deal? I can't hurt? I can't be pissed off and boiling? And because I am, I am in the wrong about it? I mean, C'MON. What other types of feelings should I have? I should love her unconditionally, even though the past few months she has treated me like shit and betrayed me? That I should forget the months we had together that was good? I just can't do it. So, all in all.. I still have feelings for her, and they have changed. The person she is now, disgusts me. It makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it. She has changed for the worse, but only she cna bring her self out now. She told me I needed to grow some balls to talk to her in person.. What do you think I want to do? Just walk up to you like nothign happened? See you with other guys and know you have done things with them? I can't bring myself to talk to you. Not once, probably not ever now. So, to you Katie, I appologize for all the things I put you threw in the past few months.. but, it's far from what you have done to me.

This was a learning experience for me, me knowing this, I move on. I keep moving and I keep living. I try not to dwell on the past and just remember I have a life I need to live. So, to bring this to a close.

I loved you Katie. I did the best I could. You repayed me this way. That's fine. I accept your ways now, and I really want nothing to do with you. To me now, your just a nother person, and that is all you will ever be. You once held my heart in one hand, and my hand in the other. Now, I just hold disgust in my stomach. Change, grow up. You need it. You think life is just a bunch of milk and ceral, that it's black and white and that you deserve to get everything you want and need. It doesn't work out that way. I tried showing you things that you were blind on, you didn't want to see. I tried to be there but you pushed me away. I may be a great guy, but a great guy is only as great as everyone let's him to be.. so, whatever is going through your mind now, you made it. So think about this the next time you want to talk to me. That you want to be civil and try to talk to me like a friend as if nothing happened. "You made your bed, now you have to sleep in it.".

And to those very few avid followers of my blog, adieu.

To the rest, I tip my hat to you.

And to those very few that deserve it... This is what you wanted, don't complain about it, it was your choice.

-Nin)a

Wooo

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 16:34:05 GMT

Hooo!. Go FAFSA. About damn time they sent the check, and not a moment to soon. Bills are to be paid, new cellphone riding with me.

Things are starting to look a little up.

-Nin)a

Edit ----

It was good until my Rafferty's check was only 240. Thank god for Fafsa... Now, Just gotta see how I am gonna make it the rest of the months.......So close to quitting..

Oh..

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 04:00:09 GMT

I feel a little better now. Actually, alot better. That's all I need to say about that.

Other than that, Oblongs is on..... Lame show, but it's a little better than the rest on the tv.

-Nin)a

This is hard.

Fri, 21 Sep 2007 15:52:06 GMT

Balancing school and work is quite difficult. Tuesday, I was assigned a Visual Analysis essay due Thursday, and I had to work both Tuesday and Wednesday. Very little time to to the assignment. Can't complain though, I am still working, I just need to find a way to make more money and get my cellphone back. Being cellphoneless is like being pantsless. It doesn't feel right and things don't go your way when your alone in the wilderness with poison ivy.

It looks like I COULD get a raise from Rafferty's, but I must wait for my Apprasial. Which, in my opinion, is bullshit. I need the damn money. Money = happier me.

School's decent; it's just the occassional Algebra class that puts me in a bind, or the quick long assignments due when I have to work. It's alright though, it's cool.

The guys and I are going camping next Friday, and I have a tournament that following Saturday. Can't wait, I need some explosions in my life and dance around a fire like a native american throwing my spear.

Other than that..... I need to clean my room.

Heh... Not gonna do it though, to lazy.

If any of you need to call me, or get in contact with me, you know the drill. Do it, or don't.

Peace.

-=Nin)a=-

Ahh

Wed, 19 Sep 2007 04:25:13 GMT

I doubt anyone reads this any more.

It's Xanga for christ sakes, but it's the easiest way to get your thoughts down without having to go through so much damn trouble with Myspace or Facebook.

The weather is alot nicer now. Much nicer than the blistering heat from Summer. Thank god. I prefer fall over any season because of the changing leaves and the cool weather. It's a symbol of a new beginning, even though the trees are dying.

Yes, a new beginning. As you quite now know, Katie and I are no longer together. From what I assume and told, there is different rumors going around about the details of such relationship. I, for one, am baffled. People also have the audicity to cite such things without actually asking the other party about the details on their half. Whether they would believe it or not is to be determined, but it's common curtesy to see the other side. Now, mind you, I am not sure on the exact details, nor will I ever come to know such fruitation of the events that took place, so my side, is only my side. The side that I know. Simply put, she almost cheated on me, or did, or whatever, with another girl, in a guy's bed she wanted for 2 months. That is almost a fact. But, in my process of deduction, I believe that something else had to go on before then to have these emotions to come to a point. 2). I've been told by an un-named source that I asked her to pay for things. Let me clear this up, I offered to pay numerous times, she turned it down with the words "No, I know you have bills, I have it.". Now, with that cleared up on my part, and me naturally telling you that is the absolute truth of what I know, people shouldn't be judging the other by a mere acquantance or friendship. Other parties are involved.

Another thing I want to bring up is the mere point that people should not judge others by life's choices. Take for instance, another unknown source blantently stated that "Her parents wouldn't leave her". Mind you, she is talking about living out in the real world with bills to pay, income to maintain, and a household to bring to life. My parents did not leave me stranded. They left me with a house to live in, and some land to stay on. They gave me the responsibility to keep up with my own bills and to strive forward through the hardships of the initial jump into life. This is not a "Fuck it, I am gone" type deal. This is a learning experience to help me live my own life with my own choices. Something that many of you do not undergo. Living out on your own is much different than living at your parents and paying bills. Living out on your own gives you the constitutional right to do as you please with what you please. It also gives you the opportunity to forge your own path rather than fall into the footprints of your family elders. So, in other words, you may be living at your house, living a decent life with your family, but it's not your life. It's theirs. Get out and experience what life really has in store for you.

Now, to move off topic of such mundane things, I am going to touch on the job issue. Yes, I am having money troubles right now. Either not enough hours or pay, either way, I am inches away of being piss poor. It doesn't matter though, because it gives me a chance to budget my money like I have never done before. Surprisingly enough, I am able to pay all my bills (in due time mind you, with the help of the FAFSA check coming in), and have a little extra spending money to spend for myself, or whoever I desire. Which, is leaning to whoever I desire now, which brings me to something else. Since I have been single, I have been hit on by quite a few women. Not girls, but women that have the moral compacity and the intelligence that is deemed worthy of a woman, and there has been one such person that I have seen that has grown into an actual woman, not what these girls nowdays are. Her beliefs and interests are nearly the same as mine, but unlike my other relationships, we are going to take it slow and work ourself into a relationship, whether than playing peek-a-boo with the devil. Later on, I might elaborate on such person when I see fit, but as it stands, let's let the imagination run rampant. It's funner that way.

Wow, I got off topic. Bills, job. There we go. If Rafferty's does not pull through for me in getting me enough money to pay bills, I am going job searching again. Possible canadites for application are as follows: Pondorossa in Draffenville; A welding place in Calvert; sadly enough-Wal-mart; and a few unmentionables since I haven't really looked into them just yet. What's the upside to these possible locations is less gas spent on going to Rafferty's, which means more money in the pocket. More money in the pocket leads up to countless attempts to save the money for something more grandeur. Ergo, Rafferty's is a good place to work, but it lacks the money capabilities than the others.

If you haven't already found out, I am going to PCC now. Fun. My classes are starting to get tough since I am working. I should be writing a paper on a photograph analysis for Writing 101, instead, I am on here, getting ready to feed myself and pouring my thoughts onto the internet. Algebra is still Algebra, the dreaded two horned demon in the back of my mind. History, I am still ever so interested in becoming a History Teacher/Professor, and this professor has pushed me even more. I still wish to become a Sensei, and the way I thought of doing this... is.. be surprised... Go to Murray state in roughly two years after I get my basics down pat. I think it's the best venue right now with a slightly change of scenery. Some other job opportunities would arise simply by being in Murray, and other things. Cost of living could be reduced with grants and other finicial aid applications, therefore, still a high possibility. I had thought about moving out of state, but I am not guarenteed for any type of work experience in the areas around a campus I know nothing of, so I might stick with what I have and go from there.

Now, with all I said, do not get me wrong. I haven't forgotten the good times. The good times were superb. The bad, well, let's just leave it as bad. I have closed my eyes, moved on, and kept going. That's who I am and that is what I do. I keep moving. If I stop, life stops, and then there is nothing. So, don't think I am just going to give up because of a few bumps and a few words, and if you do, you are in for a rude awakening. I will keep my head up above water and keep swimming to the other shore.. Let those waves hit me and those boats run over me. It won't stop me.

And just as my name precedes me, I will let this post dwindle down into the depths of the unknown, to let you ponder on what you have just read. If you do not like my experiences, or my thoughts, do tell me. I am not going to persuade you to see otherwise, for it is your opinion; but if you slander me, expect the same. I am only human.

Yes, Human. A man. Trudging through real life and going to the other shoreline. My destiny lies within my self, and not in the fate of others.

Until next time when I feel like actually updating,

I bid you a farewell and a goodnight to all.

-Nin)a

People

Tue, 18 Sep 2007 04:15:26 GMT

People are so misinformed nowadays.

A shame really.

On another note. Cowboy Bebop is on. Gonna watch that, finish up my homework, do a little more budgeting, and go to sleep for another fun filled day at school and work. The 28th is gonna rock, and the days coming up to it.

Odd enough, I actually look forward going to school, especially in Algebra. Heh, who would have thought it.

A word of wisdom for all you Xangaians out there that actually get on. "Think about what you say, and do... It may bite you in your ass. But, if you do what you believe, who cares about what others think. It's your choices and your life. Make the best of it and keep going. Many are closed minded and think only one way and it's not your job to change what they think. It's your job to stick to what you believe in and what you know. That, is the truth of life."

-Nin)a

There.

Sun, 16 Sep 2007 18:22:54 GMT

Wow, posts dating back to '05. Big.. BIG jump in since I cleaned this out last.

Waiting on alot of things to happen, if they don't, I am moving on to bigger and better things.

Lastly. Fear the Ninja, for he is the IC Champ and the Shotgun weilding Cyborg Ninja.

-Nin)a

P.S. The weather is quite nice.. Enjoy it while you can.